


I Love the Way You Look at Me

by Kentarou_San



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Fuck me life, I have insomniA, M/M, Understanding kentarou, cute bois, im so tired, kill me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 11:04:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12057651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kentarou_San/pseuds/Kentarou_San
Summary: Shigeru can't really deal with his thinking that Kentarou is in love with Iwaizumi, but there's no doubt in his mind that he isn't.Kyoutani is always watching Shigeru when he's not watching him, no one knows it but his eyes have always been partial to the soft looking but fierce setter.(I'm bad at summariES)





	I Love the Way You Look at Me

**Author's Note:**

> It's almost two AM and i have school in three hours fml

" _I like the way you look at him._ "

The soft, creamy haired boy thought as he watched Kentarou staring longingly at his senpai Iwaizumi. There was no secret bound behind lock and key that Kentarou looked up to, maybe even loved the older ace, it was known throughout the club and had maybe even branch into the hallways of the school. Either Iwaizumi, who was dating Oikawa in secret, was oblivious to the strangely haired male's pining or he chose to ignore it. Less obviously though, was number six in the background like usual. Watching with eyes just as calculative as Oikawa's but even more so unreadable.

  
Yahaba Shigeru was in love with Kyoutani Kentarou, no matter how hard they fought or how damaging the punches almost thrown could have been. He was hopelessly, desperately in love, and he was alone in it.  
He had friends who could help him, well-grounded Kindaichi, ever smiling Watari, and even their faithful captain, Oikawa, who would do anything for his favorite Kohai; but Yahaba hid his feelings, and hid them well. They were under lock and key, buried under an avalanche of snow and boulders unknowingly crushing him, but he didn't show weakness, only came off as a snoty rich boy.

  
Inside he was crushing the chains around his heart harder and harder together, almost like if he grinded his love and stress hard enough they would make fine diamonds, indestructible and forever embedded inside his chest. But treasures like this always have a way of coming out like prized gems, grasped in heavy, blistered hands. However sometimes treasures are forced out, causing chaos that could be avoided.

"Heya Yahaba!" Watari called as he ran over to the sideline where Yahaba usually sat as the backup setter. He almost collided with the sitting boy, being a libro gave him immense amounts of energy that was sometimes hard to control, though Shigeru knew that his friend had been a setter before.

  
"What's up?" He asked as if he hadn't been staring at Kyoutani staring at Iwaizumi this whole time, it wasn't like anyone would suspect anything. He had perfected his mask of a glare so long ago that it nearly suffocated him every time he wore it, he just reclined back and looked up at the shaven haired male with a little smile on his face. Watari and Kindaichi always made him feel better.

  
"Iwaizumi said he'd treat everyone to pastries after practice and well... it's after practice so let's get changed and go!" Watari cheered and grabbed his bare wrist, yanking the taller up. For a moment Yahaba's eyes wandered back to Kyoutani who looked like a puppy, standing at attention with his "tail" wagging behind him. He had this look of awe in his eye as he talked to his beloved third year that made Yahaba swoon, he knew he was thanking him for the treat that was soon to come with the way his eyes lit up like they always did at the mention of food.

  
Yahaba looked back at Watari, his friends hopeful eyes almost flattening him.

Admittedly he had been a little bit absent from the team, not in the sense that he was missing practice (he wasn't and wouldn't in a million years) but in the sense that he was avoiding going out with them like he usually did, skipping lunch with the team to hide himself somewhere in the school, refusing get-togethers, and now the rare treats the senpai's offered. He knew he should go, but the image of Kyoutani following Iwaizumi everywhere, sitting across from him, and even smiling at him crawled behind his eyes like a dying rat.

  
"No thanks, my parents say i need to come home earlier and we all know how strict they are." He smiled and offered a bitter laugh, as if he was really upset about that and not the chains in his chest weighing him down. It was true his parents were very strict, trying to lead him into positions that he couldn't fight because he was simply a puppet to them. He was their _son_ , but they weren't _parents_ ; they weren't warm and loving, they were cold and demanding and Yahaba had convinced himself he was too. That was another reason ge fought the warmth in his chest.

  
He could see his friend's smile fault only the tiniest bit, like it didn't mean much but Yahaba saw it for what it really was. It was the equivalent of the sky falling and shattering around him and he knew he was losing him, he was losing _all of them_. So he told himself that it was better than him losing himself, though he wasn't quite sure if he was ever himself.

  
He watched the others leave from the doorway and nobody turned around to give a wave or offer a goodbye, so once they were gone he started practicing again. Hitting jump serve after just serve, sending toss after toss to what should be his ace; but no hands came up to spike it and he was left with open air.

  
"I am only me when i play." He told himself, but it had been so long since he played in a game. The coaches always opting for Oikawa instead, and he wasn't mad about that, he liked watching his friend play and liked learning from him too.

  
"If i cannot play, i will lose track of who i really am." He said then started repeating it with every ball he sent over the net, the mantra rolling off his tongue until he was breathless and they didn't seem like words anymore. Just foreign sounds blurring together.

  
He was panting now, sitting in the spot a server would usually take; balls surrounding him from every angle. He wondered briefly if he was the only one who had made this big of a mess.

  
Everything was fuzzy, his hands and fingers hurt, but the only thing he could really feel was the mask stifling him as if he were a single flame in a sinking lantern.  
There was a heavy breath and a sigh, then the reality he knew came crashing down once more.

  
"Oy," He could feel sweat on his temple and see the gym around him, the light almost synging his eyes as if he'd been in a dark cave for years. He could feel a large hand on his shoulder and a great presence behind him, "Stop blabbing that shit, and what happened to going home early?" The gruff voice asked and he could feel blood pumping in his ears.

  
He had been babbling? What had he said?

  
"Dunno, fuck off Mad Dog." He said and shrugged the hand off and away, not allowing it to invade his personal space any longer.

  
"You fuck off, what the hell are you still doing here? Stupid fucking creampuff!!" Kentarou said as Shigeru stood up, turning the other to face his golden eyes.

  
"Practicing what does it look like you Walnut, what the fuck are you doing here you should be out celebrating with Iwaizumi?" The slightly taller glared as the other boy forced himself into his personal space, inside Yahaba was begging him to stay away.

  
"Well you should be too! Not sitting here whining!" Kyoutani said, invading Yahaba's personal space even more, sending him stepping back. But Kyou kept coming, stepping forward and forward and Yahaba kept backing away.

  
"What do you mean whining?!" He glared at the other as his heels kicked at unseen volleyballs on the floor before eventually his back his the net, he could have gone under it but his body had frozen the moment the net had touched him and he silently realized that in all his years of volleyball this was the _first time_ he had even touched the net. It was weird.

  
"Ya were sayin' stupid shit like, i'm not good enough, i've got no control, i'll never be good enough. That sorta whining and i'm standin' here wondering who the fuck is tellin' you that?" Kyoutani says, clear anger in his eyes and the way his jaw is clenched tight.

  
Yahaba looks away, how embarrassing to be caught in the beginnings of an anxiety attack. Especially by someone you're falling in love with. He can feel Kyoutani's eyes on him and the one fist not tangled in the net gripping his practice jersey collar, he's got so many ways to get away but he's still trapped.

  
"No one." He answers, unable to meet eyes that held none of the fondness that they had for Iwaizumi when focused on him, instead he looked at the white knuckled palm almost wishing it would just punch him already like Kyouken had threatened to multiple times.

  
"Like hell, you can't just fuckin' say that shit. It's just not true!" Yahaba gulps down a whine as he reaches his hand up to grab the wrist of Kyoutani's fist gripping the net like an anchor, it doesn't rip away so he just holds it lightly in his slender, calloused finders.

  
"But what if it is, i mean i can't even get you to look at me the way you do Iwaizumi." He almost whispers and knows he shouldn't have said it immediately after, but this is the first real control he's had for a long time; even if he didn't _really_ have control.

  
"But it's not, and you aren't Iwaizumi." Kentarou says and Yahaba wants to desperately duck under the net and put something in between him and Kyoutani but the hand in his shirt is holding him tightly.

  
"I'm not and i'll never been as good as him, i'll never be.." He scrapes his teeth over his top lip, pulling it down and biting hard. He can feel the net adjust as fingers untangle from the threads and pull his lip up and out of the painful clutches of anxiously biting, he wants to tell himself that this can't mean anything because Kyoutani is in love with _Iwaizumi_ after all, right?

  
"That doesn't matter, you're as good as you and are always improving." Lips hover over his and he wants to ask if he's dreaming but the feeling of heat in his face and chains in his heart unfurling while debris is cleared away begs to differ, he can feel breath on his face and he closes his eyes.

  
"But i don't even know who i am, i've never had the chance to be me." He whispers and the breath pulls away, the lips so close to touching his pull away and he wants to chase them and almost does but is stopped by large, strong arms wrapping around his middle and a stronger, denser body pressed against him.

  
"That's okay, you don't have to know who you are just yet. Give yourself time and you'll get it." Kentarou whispers in his ear and Shigeru's legs almost give out, "Aren't you in love with Iwaizumi?" He mumbled into Kentarou's shoulder as he snaked his own arms around Kentarou's middle.

  
"I look up to him that's all, and besides i couldn't love anyone other than you when we complete eachother so well." He can hear Ken's voice steadily get more and more quiet as he says the words, he pulls back just enough to see that the muscly, scary-looking mad dog is blushing and has an embarrassed look painted across his face.

  
Shigeru laughs and a weight lifts from his chest, theirs no longer the threat of boulders falling. And in the place of cold diamonds there are warm sapphires and rubies, sparking gems and emeralds that are so vivid and distracting that they shine brightest in Shigeru's silvery brown eyes.

  
He placed the smallest of kisses to Kentarou's lips and let's the other hold him tighter, standing against the volleyball net grinning at eachother from ear to ear.

  
He loves the way Kentarou looks at him.


End file.
